Together, Alone…with Jesus

Not that this blog has much of a following, but if you check the date stamps you’ll see that I haven’t posted in a while.  Some of that is laziness and my ongoing sin struggle. Some of it, though, has been finding the direction to go.

When I started this blog, I titled it “Alone…with Jesus”, as you know.  That title made perfect sense to me as a single woman struggling with people pleasing, having been hurt in virtually every relationship I’ve ever had. I felt the need to focus life on Jesus rather than others.  Essentially, I was saying to myself, “Meri, have you taken this issue to Jesus one-on-one, or are you looking to others to solve it?” Like a good friend used to ask when I’d call her in turmoil, “Did you go to the Throne, or did you go to the phone?”

However, over the last few weeks, the themes of relationships, friendships, and biblical friendships have been all over my life.  In fact, this morning, our guest pastor did a whole message on Biblical Friendship.  I resonated with everything he said, because it was what He has been saying to me.

As far back as I can remember, I have coveted easy friendships. I wanted what I saw on TV. Characters on TV always seem to have that friend whom they can drop in on and hang out with. Whether it’s Ethel visiting Lucy, Grady visiting Fred, Millie visiting Laura, Kramer, George, and Elaine visiting Jerry, Joey, Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe visiting Monica and Rachel, or Niles visiting Frasier, it seemed to be the norm that people should have that relationship. Even looking at my own family, both my brother and sister have those friends from childhood they still hang out with. I’ve never had that. And I’ve always wanted it. I seldom feel comfortable in someone else’s home, and I’m nervous to have others in my home. When I’ve come close to that relationship in my life, something always seems to spoil it. I do something rude or stupid that ends the invites to another’s home. Or, when others come to me, they seem to hate it from the minute they walk in and can’t wait to leave. It’s a hole in my life.

I’m a problem solver by nature, so I’ve tried to analyze the struggle, and I’ve probably over-analyzed it to death. Maybe I’m choosing the wrong type of friends? I keep wanting to hang out with married people, but I’m single. I’m trying to be cool with younger people, but I’m an old soul.  I’m befriending older people, but they don’t do the things I like to do. So, a few years ago I decided to find a friend around my age, similar to me, and single, so we would have built-in commonalities on which to build a friendship. But recently, this friendship blew up, too. Hence, alone…with Jesus.

Through prayer and struggle some clarity began to emerge. I thought I was supposed to have a TV-type friendship, but by definition, those friendships are shallow. No wonder they never work out! If you know much about me you probably know that I don’t like to read fiction. I find it a waste of time. I read slowly, so I don’t like to waste my arduous reading time on worthless drivel. Fiction, to me, is often worthless drivel. After trudging through several chapters about these fake people, I find myself realizing that I don’t care what happens because they are not real. The only type of fiction I even remotely enjoy is historical fiction because it can help me picture the historical period and I can image that these people may have actually lived. Given this, why would I think that a shallow TV-type friendship would ever satisfy? It can’t. I want substance. I want friendship based on Truth. I want friendship that will sharpen me and I can sharpen her. Those are the friendships that last.

The disconnect for me is that these deep, substantive, sharpening friendships don’t look like TV friendships. We don’t waste hours of our lives sitting in each other’s living rooms watching TV together. No, these friendships are full of deep, meaningful conversations that border on solving all the world’s problems. These friendships involve long conversations about what we’re each reading in God’s Word. These friendships geek out over our new revelations from Scripture. We apply what God has given us individually to the struggles in each other’s lives. And those deep, meaningful conversations rarely take place on sofas in front of TVs. They take place in the moments of life. They’re the, “Let me tell you what I just read this morning”, or “I need help with this thing in my life” moments that happen throughout the day, or on the phone when I need support, or through text when I don’t know if I can talk. What I thought I wanted – a kick-back friend who will hang out with me – is not what I truly want or need.

When I hang out with my good friends, it is a planned time when we will come ready to discuss the Word. Maybe we’ll plan to have some fun playing cards or games, but that is a pretense for having deep conversations about what God is doing. I leave those times purposely filled up with Jesus, and I look forward to the next time.

TV-type friendships leave me feeling empty. I get home and I feel the urge to binge on food because I want to be full. Over time these friendships are harder and harder to maintain because I don’t look forward to spending time with them. I begin to think, “Maybe we’re just too different”, and it’s true, but in a different way then I originally thought. We became friends because I thought I needed someone like me who made me feel comfortable. It’s actually because we are too similar that it doesn’t work out. We are different in what we want, and what we need. My greatest need is more of Jesus.  If a friendship doesn’t point me to Him then it is doomed to fail. If a friend doesn’t want to be sharpened in her walk with Jesus, she will push me away. But that’s the friendship I long for. That is my greatest need and desire.

So, I need to be alone…with Jesus, so I can know what I need together in His Kingdom. I thought maybe I needed to change the title of my blog. The Bible teaches that we need each other. It talks about the Body of Christ, the flock, the Church, the communion of saints, the family of God. It talks of our belonging to the congregation because we were chosen by God. In Genesis we see that it is not good for man to be alone. But, I’m not going to change the title.

I need my alone time with Jesus. Each of us needs that time. And I need my together time with other believers. But even that together time is grounded alone…in Jesus. We need to be alone…with Jesus together! What an incredible vision of what it looks like to walk this earth as a follower of Christ! We have a singular focus, often brought more into focus with the help of others!

Sisters, if you’re walking with me in this crazy, mixed-up world, thank you! I look forward to more talks about what Jesus is doing in you and in me! I can’t wait for the long conversations that attempt to solve the world’s problems through Jesus! I’m excited to share the ups and downs of life with you through prayer to our Lord Jesus Christ! If we can occasionally do that in each other’s living rooms, sitting comfortably on each other’s sofas and enjoying each other’s hospitality, I’d be up for that! But I’m getting better with that not being all the time, as long as we can get it occasionally as we point each other back to the Lord! I look forward to going to the Throne and then going to the phone. I can’t wait to sharpen each other!