All of us have secret thoughts about ourselves that define how we interact with the world. This is a part of how we are made. The question we will ask ourselves here is whether those thoughts line up with the Truth of Scripture. Unfortunately, many of us struggle with the negative self-talk that is directly contrary to the Word of God.
So, let’s dig in.
What do you tell yourself when something goes wrong? Be honest. Think about that moment when you realize that you’ve done something wrong. You forgot to pick your kids up from practice. You’ve miscalculated something on a financial report. You realize you just gossiped about someone in your small group. What are the words that go through your head? “I’m such an idiot!” “I’m worthless.” “I can’t do anything right.” “I’m scum.”
Then think about this question from the other direction: What excuse do you tell yourself to keep from stepping up? When you are given an opportunity to be used by God – “We’d like you to teach a workshop at the retreat.” “We want you to give your testimony in front of the church.” “Would you consider leading a small group?” “Would you take on this project?” What is your first reaction in your head? “I can’t do that, I’m too stupid.” “They really don’t want me to represent the church. I’m too fat and ugly.” “I don’t have anything to offer.” “I’m not good enough.”
Does that ring true to you? I hear them all the time, and I’ve been fighting them for years. Let me share with you the four most common words I hear in my head:
- Inadequate. Maybe you don’t hear that specific word, but it could be a synonym – deficient, faulty, incompetent, incomplete, lacking, meager, poor, sketchy, weak, barren, bush-league, depleted, dry, failing, feeble, found wanting, junk, lame, lousy, not enough, unproductive, unqualified
- Stupid. Or some of these synonyms – dull, dumb, foolish, futile, ill-advised, irrelevant, laughable, ludicrous, naïve, senseless, shortsighted, simple, trivial, dummy, loser, thick, unintelligent, brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, doltish, dopey, gullible, half-baked, half-witted, idiotic, imbecilic, inane, moronic, nonsensical, obtuse, out-to-lunch, pointless, puerile, simpleminded, slow, sluggish, thick-headed, unthinking, witless
- Worthless. Or – bogus, futile, ineffective, insignificant, meaningless, mediocre, pointless, unimportant, useless, cheap, contemptible, despicable, empty, good-for-nothing, ineffectual, inferior, miserable, no-account, no-good, nothing, paltry, poor, profitless, sterile, trashy, trifling, trivial, unavailing, unessential, valueless, wretched
- Ugly. Or – awful, grisly, grotesque, hideous, horrid, unseemly, unsightly, appalling, bad-looking, beastly, deformed, disfigured, foul, frightful, gross, hard-featured, homely, ill-favored, loathsome, misshapen, monstrous, not much to look at, plain, repelling, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, uninviting, unlovely
We wallow in our self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy, thinking that we can do nothing. We tend to listen to a gospel of our own making, thinking that there is some magic bullet for our problems:
If only I was perfect, I’d be able to ________.
If only I was smarter, I would have ________.
If only I was significant, I would __________.
If only I was pretty, I would have _________.
Is this true? Do you do this? Today we need to get honest before the Lord. And you need to consider getting honest with a sister in Christ for accountability.
Be honest with yourself: First, identify your words. You can choose from the samples I gave, or choose your own. Then, write them down. Write each word on a notecard or a piece of paper. Now, consider the weight of these words. How much heaviness are you carrying around with you? I did this activity in a workshop and I attached these words to two ounce weights that women hung around their necks. At first two ounces doesn’t feel like a lot of weight. Those who chose more than one word felt the weight of them sooner than the others. However, after a short time those little two-ounce weights began to hurt. They pulled heads down and made women slouch in their chairs. It is amazing how quickly a two-ounce weight can alter your overall well-being. This sin of self-loathing feels minor in the grand scheme of things. It may even feel righteous to wear a self-loathing sin. You may convince yourself that it’s just humility to see yourself as less-than. But, ladies, does God see you that way?
Let’s start with the sin of inadequacy:
In Ephesians 2:10 it says, For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. In this context, Paul is talking to those who are saved through Jesus Christ. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ this applies to you. So, I ask you believers, according to Ephesians 2:10, are you inadequate? NO Is anything made by God inadequate? NO So, when you believe that evil little voice saying that you are inadequate you are believing something in direct contradiction to the Word of God. How heavy is the weight of that sin now?
But how should you respond? Mark 10:35-45 says, And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came up to him and said to him, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” And he said to them, “What do you want me to do for you?” And they said to him, “Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.” Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or to be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” And they said to him, “We are able.” And Jesus said to them, “The cup that I drink you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized, but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.” And when the ten heard it, they began to be indignant at James and John. And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
There is so much in this passage. We could spend hours studying it, but I want to bring out one point. We think we need something special to be great. We need special permission to be considered the greatest. We get mad at those who seek greatness. But what does Jesus say it takes to be great? To be a servant! When we are called to stand up and we hear that evil, negative voice saying I’m not good enough, our response should be, I don’t have to be perfect – God calls, I serve, that’s it! I am God’s handiwork! My perfection is in Christ!
Now let’s talk about the word, Stupid.
The biblical equivalent of the word stupid is foolish. Let’s take a look at what the Bible says about the foolish: Psalm 14:1 says, The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds; there is none who does good. 1 Samuel 13:13 says, And Samuel said to Saul, “You have done foolishly. You have not kept the command of the LORD your God, with which he commanded you. For then the LORD would have established your kingdom over Israel forever.
When you say that you are stupid, you’re saying you are foolish. Foolish people deny God. Are you foolish? If you are, stop it! If you belong to Jesus, repent of your foolishness. Whatever you need to do, stop calling yourself stupid if you are following Jesus. His followers are anything but foolish and stupid.
Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness? What does God say about your worth? In Luke 15:1-10 Jesus tells us about finding what is lost. If a shepherd has lost one of his hundred sheep, he will leave the 99 to go and find the one that is lost. When he finds it, he rejoices and brings the sheep home. Likewise, if a woman lost a silver coin, she will search her whole house diligently to find it. Then when she finds the coin, she will call in her friends and neighbors to rejoice with her. If you belong to Jesus, He will make sure you are with Him because He values you. If you are lost, He will find you. He will bring you home. He will rejoice when He finds you, and He will invite others to rejoice with Him. No one rejoices over something that is worthless.
No, we are not worthy, but we have worth. Our worth comes from Jesus. Rest in that truth. Since He has gone to great lengths to find you and bring you home, you know you have worth in Him.
What about feeling ugly? First, I have to ask if that really matters. In Isaiah’s prophesy of the messiah it says, he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him. (Isaiah 53:2) By human standards, Jesus was not beautiful. Why would we ever think we should aspire to human standards of beauty?
Also, consider what the Bible does say about how you are made: Psalm 139:13-14 says, For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. And, Psalm 17:7-8 says, Wondrously show your steadfast love, O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Sister, may I suggest that you revel in the fact that God personally made you and that you are the “apple of His eye”. What more could I want? If we’re seeking approval from man over the blessings of God, our priorities are in the wrong place.
Now, look back at those words you wrote down. Are they true? I think you know the answer to that. You are not defined by the negative ways you talk about yourself. You’re not even defined by the ways other people talk about you. You are defined by God Himself! Your identity is in Christ.
God called you!
Jesus died for you!
God cherishes you!
Focus on Him. Repent of your self-loathing. Rest in His love!
This can be easier said than done. If you’re still struggling with your negative self-talk, you need to replace those lies with Truth. Here are some more verses to study, memorize, and meditate on. As a believer, you are no longer your own. You were bought with a price. God defines you. Live like it!
Inadequate – Exodus 3, Judges 6, Jeremiah 1, John 18
Stupid – 1 Chronicles 21:1-8, Psalm 74:18
Worthless – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Luke 12:6-7, Deuteronomy 31:6
Ugly – 1 Peter 2:9, Proverbs 31:30
There is Scripture for other negative words as well. If you’re not struggling with the above, maybe you’re struggling with other words. I challenge you to spend some time alone…with Jesus praying about those negative words. Allow Him to guide you to the Truth that will transform your thoughts.