I’ve been thinking a lot about confession lately. This important step on our road to repentance is often one of the hardest. Confession requires a realization of our sin, conviction that what we did is sin, and humility to admit that. It’s that last part where many of us struggle.
Can I admit to you that I often take a long time to get to that third part?
So often I realize that I may have done something wrong. In fact, I have been conditioned to assume I’ve done something wrong any time someone seems even the slightest bit annoyed. I assume that he or she is annoyed with me because I’ve done something that hurt, angered, disappointed, or inconvenienced. I think I understand where that comes from, but I won’t belabor the point. Bottom line, I’m often trying to figure out what I did that made someone mad. I believe deep in my heart that the mood I see or feel from another is my fault, so I search for that thing. Even though I assume I’ve done something wrong, I struggle to know what that thing is. Because my tendency is to take on guilt even when I’m not guilty, I am learning that I’m not always at fault.
People, I think, think I’m fragile. It seems they don’t want to tell me when I’ve done something wrong. Are they afraid of my response? Are they afraid that they will hurt me? Let me say this publicly (or at least as publicly as this blog allows), I need you to tell me when I’ve done something wrong. I can tell you are troubled by me. I can tell something is wrong. I’m going to assume that it’s my fault. So, please tell me when I’ve sinned against you. I need to know. Please don’t assume that I know what I did, even if I seem contrite. As I said above, I live in a permanent state of feeling guilty.
For a believer, the conviction step should be easy. If I have sinned, I will usually know it’s sin. Wrong is wrong. But, again, here there is a subtlety. We can be tempted to call everything sin. If another doesn’t like what we’ve done, she may claim that she was sinned against. As a simple example, imagine you are eating dinner with another. There is one piece of pie left, and you decide you want it. If you take and eat it when another at the table wanted it, is that sin? That person may feel wronged, but have you sinned?
Conviction should come from the Lord. If you’ve come to realize a wrong, seek the Lord. Spend some time alone…with Jesus. What does He have to say? In our pie example, God may convict you that you have a greedy heart and you didn’t care who else wanted the pie. Maybe you’d be convicted of gluttony. Maybe you’d be convicted of stabbing your dinner partner in the hand with a spare knife so you could take the pie. Or, maybe you innocently took the last piece of pie when no one else went for it, and you had no idea that someone felt wronged. In that last case you might feel compelled to offer a gracious apology for not knowing the other’s desire, but there is no sin.
I’m sad to say that I sometimes find it difficult to move past the conviction of my sin. My flesh wants to explain it away. I want to rationalize and justify my actions. I will do almost anything to keep from having to confess.
What a silly place to get stuck! God knows all, sees all, is everywhere. Yet, I find it difficult to humble myself and admit to Him what He already knows. Confession should be part of our regular time alone…with Jesus. I need the forgiveness of my Savior. I need His grace to lead me to repentance. I need to be right with Him. As David said, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” (Psalm 51:4) This Psalm was written after David was convicted of his sin with Bathsheba. David forced Bathsheba to have sex with him, and then he had her husband killed after he tried and failed to hide his sin. Surely his sin wasn’t against God alone, right? Yes, David wronged Bathsheba and Uriah, but we must remember that all sin is ultimately against God. Compared to the perfect holiness of God, the depravity of our sin is seen most clearly.
David needed to deal with Bathsheba and Uriah, as we all do with those we wrong when we sin, but he like we are called to “confess our sins, [and God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) We confess to God.
“Ah, but Meri,” you may be thinking, “what about the verse that says we are to confess our sins to one another?” (James 5:16) Good call, I say! Our brother James does tell us to do this, but does that mean that we must confess our sins to each other for absolution? Why does James tell us to do this? Let’s look at the context.
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:13–16)
This passage isn’t about forgiveness, repentance, or absolution. This passage is about prayer. Notice that the verse starts with the word, “therefore”. This word is referring to the sentence before. It is referring to someone who is sick. If his sickness is caused by unconfessed sin, James is saying he should confess it so his brothers can pray for him.
The closest application of this passage to our current discussion is that we shouldn’t be afraid to confess our sins to one another. In fact, we should confess them so we can have other believers pray for us. Are you struggling with sin? Ask for prayer. Tell a brother or sister about the struggle, confess your sin, ask for prayer. Nowhere does the Bible say that another person can give us absolution. That’s not the purpose of confessing our sin to one another.
No, to find absolution, I need to be alone…with Jesus. I need Him. I need His healing touch to the wounds I’ve caused with my sin. I confess to Him. The great thing is that once we confess to God, it is easier to confess to one another, seek forgiveness from those we’ve wronged, and ask for accountability in our repentance of that sin.
God has a plan, and that is to get alone…with Jesus so we can confess!